CITY HALL — As the investigations into Eric Adams continue to mount, the mayor announced today that he is expanding his already formidable legal defense team with the addition of the devil’s advocate (DA).
“I’m pleased to welcome the DA to my legal team,” Mayor Adams said at a press conference. “With his unparalleled experience in needlessly arguing for the most unsavory positions imaginable, I know he will be a tremendous asset in my fight against these baseless allegations.”
The devil’s advocate, Asmodeus Mephistopheles, joins the mayor’s existing team of high-powered attorneys, which includes lawyers known for their willingness to defend controversial clients at the right price.
“I look forward to bringing my expertise in twisting the truth and inauthentic engagement of debate to Mayor Adams’ defense, said Mr. Mephistopheles. “No matter how damning the evidence against him may appear, I’m confident that as a literal demon, I can be more damning.”
The mayor’s advisors suggested hiring Mr. Mephistopheles on account that Adams’ legal defense fund has already spent $730,000 of taxpayer dollars. Employees of the Nine Circles don’t accept human currency as payment, but do conduct other deals in return for favors.
“I did not see it coming, and that’s really saying something,” said Argus Panoptes, Head of Departmental Oversight of the Nine Circles. “We expected him to use our services for his re-election campaign.”
The Pigeon Post 