WEST VILLAGE — In a bold move to address the ongoing reservation crisis, a coalition of the city’s hottest restaurants announced they are ditching the online reservation system Resy and replacing it with a series of no-holds-barred cage matches.
“For too long, bots and clout chasers have manipulated Resy to snap up all the prime tables. But the worst is when they’re no-shows,” said Salvatore Bruno, owner of Ristorante Impostore. “Now, if you want to eat a 7 PM on a Friday, you’ll have to fight for it. Literally.”
Under the new system, hopeful diners will have to duke it out if they want a seat at New York’s most exclusive places to eat. Restaurants will replace outdoor dining areas with steel cages surrounded by rings of fire. The victor will be awarded a reservation for a party of two, while the loser must dine at the Times Square Olive Garden.
“This change is a huge mistake,” said Grubstreet reporter Zach Schiffman. Schiffman is the host of Grubstreet’s Impossible Tables series, which investigates these so-called “impossible-to-access” restaurants. “I’m 5’5″, and I won’t be able to fight anyone. I was much better served being small waiting around at restaurants for hours because I take up less space. This is completely unfair to those of us who are smaller.”
Diners are encouraged to contact individual restaurants for more information regarding regulations, rules, time limits, and allowed fighting techniques.
The Pigeon Post 